Peter and the missus #11

Ready.. Set.. Go..!

"Where are you?", the missus asked over the phone.

"I am on my way. Just got off the bus and walking to the platform", Peter said. They were going to meet a friend that day and they had agreed to meet on the train.

"The train leaves in two minutes!! I have been waiting in the last car of the train forever!!", the missus was tensed which made Peter realize that his watch was running slow. He was going to make a run for it without any further delay.

Peter hated running. He hated moving, for that matter. He would take the slow train after fifteen minutes from the closest platform instead of running to get the faster one from the farther platform. He was laziness personified most of the time. But he decided to break the mould for once. It was time to unleash the Usain Bolt in him.

He sprinted through the crowded station. However clumsy his running looked for the other people, he did not give a damn. He felt that everything around him came to a standstill. He felt as if he was in the Chariots of fire. He imagined the beach. He could hear Vangelis’ immortal background score. A few people had to run for cover. And some had to drag their children out of the way. But he could hear them clapping and cheering, ‘Peter! Peter! Peter!’ as he leaped across a few hurdles of suitcases and trolleys.

He reached the platform and the alarm on the doors already announced that they were closing. The missus was saying something into his headset but he did not hear a word. He was on a mission and he was not going to be distracted.

He took one extra stride and jumped into the train with the doors closing a split second later. He threw his arms in air triumphantly. He almost shouted loud in excitement!

The train started moving and Peter took a few deep breaths. The missus was going to be proud of his sprint, he was sure.

"Honey, where are you?", he said finding the last car in the train almost empty.

The missus was laughing her hearts out. She was laughing louder than he had ever seen her laugh. "That's exactly what I have been trying to tell you - for the hundredth time!! I am on the other train, Dumb-ass!!"

If Peter’s biography was ever to be written, the embarrassing train-chasing-episode of his life would end with the lines, "She laughed and laughed about it for generations to come".

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Peter and the missus #10

A dinner conversation

"What’s for dinner?", Peter inquired as he walked into the kitchen after his usual workout.

"I am making Kashmiri Pulav", the missus said with a smile.

Peter frowned up on the choice of dinner. "Come on! I cannot eat rice for dinner. You know I am on a strict diet! You are the reason I am putting on weight", Peter screamed.

The missus was cool and did not say a word – a weird response given Peter’s outburst. He was not going to let this one go and he held his stare.

"Well..", the missus began – something big was coming down and Peter knew it.

"You say you are on a diet. You eat egg whites for breakfast, you eat salads for lunch, you spend hours together figuring out the calories in your choice of alcohol, you avoid carbs at night, you drink protein shakes instead of snacks, your RedBull or Cola is always sugarfree", she began.

Peter thought about every single word. She was right and he was sticking to it.

"But the thing is.. Every morning you go to your favorite Italian coffee shop near your office and are the only person in the world who will order a skinny Café Mocha"

"Yeah, so?", Peter was curious. Everything she had said was right but he had no clue where she was going.

"And when the barista asks the important question for a Café Mocha.. Cream?" She paused and stared at him.

"What do you say, sir?", she asked sarcastically with a twinkle of victory in her eyes.

"Errr..", Peter now understood where she was coming from.

"Again.. What do you say?", she asked.

"I say yes", Peter said in a sad tone.

"Really?", she asked.

"I say ‘Extra Cream’", Peter surrendered.

"Ha! I rest my case!", the missus had won – again!

"But, how do you know that?", Peter asked in a humble tone.

"I know", the missus smiled enigmatically, "EVERYTHING!"

Amen to that!

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Peter and the missus #9

The wicked smile

Peter hated trains - especially the crowded ones. He never fussed about waiting a few extra minutes to get on a comfortably less crowded train. And as soon as he got a seat, he would fall asleep. Sometimes, he had to be woken up by someone when the train reached his stop which was thankfully the last. It was a habit and how much ever he tried, he could never change.

On a cloudy day, he got into the train, got a seat and by the time the train moved, he was fast asleep. But that day was going to be different - life changing to say the least.

That day, for some inexplicable reason, he woke up half way. The sun was showing its face through the dark clouds. A streak of golden sunlight filled the train giving it a heavenly appeal. That was when he saw the girl. That was when he saw her smile. Her ravenous hair looked like waves basking in the sunlight. She looked like an angel who had just stepped down to earth. She looked like a dream that even dreams would dream about. It took a few seconds for him to realize it was not a dream. And the moment felt even better when he realized she was smiling at him.

She smiled. He smiled. And then...

"Why are you smiling?", the missus gave him a curious nudge. Lost in the dream like moment, Peter had completely forgotten the missus was accompanying him that day. That was the end of the dream.

And before he could say anything, the missus stared right into his eyes and asked, "And, why is SHE smiling?"

That was the last time Peter ever slept on the train.

Life changing - you bet! 

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Peter and the missus #8

Halloween!

The missus had a Halloween party at work towards the end of that week. The discussions at home went on and on but she could not decide on the costume.

That night after she was fast asleep, Peter woke up to apply weird make up on her face. He succeeded in doing it without waking her up and he was cheekily proud the work he had done. The missus was going to be frightened when she looked into the mirror – after all the years, what a chance that would be!

He was awake and ready earlier than ever to heartily witness it. When the missus woke up he was waiting. He controlled his laughter as she walked around the house unaware of the haunted look she wore. He was waiting for the moment.

Unlike the other days when she went straight to the mirror in the morning, the missus just continued from where she left the conversation the previous night. Peter’s patience was wearing off. And when the missus asked, "What do you think I should do?" he pounced on the opportunity

"You don’t have to do anything extra! Just look into the mirror." Peter said without thinking it through.

"How dare you say that?!" the missus asked – well, shrieked!

"Ermmm…" Peter stammered. It was a little too late when realized his poor choice of words.

Though there are different versions of what happened next, Peter still maintains that there was no violence involved. But his colleagues at work say he has difficulty hearing things when spoken to from his right.



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Peter and the missus #7

Run fast! Run far!

Peter loved movies – any movie for that matter would keep him interested. Over the years of married life, the missus had gotten the hang of it. But both of them had had a bad outing that day. The movie was one of the worst they had seen, the burger they had was bad and they were having a tough time getting the bus back home. They were truly annoyed.

About two blocks from home, it got worse. Out of nowhere a guy in a hood sprang on to the street and pulled a knife out. There were being mugged.

Everyone had a dark side. Heroes did, super heroes did and though he was neither, Peter did too. He had always had the urge to fight crime. This was a chance to use his good old skills in martial arts. If he got his moves right, he could get out of trouble and as a perk he would be able to instill some fear in the mind of the missus.

Just when he was going to get into the act, without a hint, the missus roared at the mugger like a hungry lioness, ‘Get out of my way, you fool! The mood I am in, I swear, I will punch your nose, break your hand and make your head turn the other way!!’

Peter was startled a little – he had had many previous encounters with the alter-ego. But the poor mugger was frightened to death. He shot a bewildered look at Peter who nodded, ‘You bet! She will do what she said! Run fast! Run far!’.

The mugger ran for his life – literally sprinted as if he had seen the devil. Peter almost laughed. It was so funny when it happened to others.

‘Lucky guy’, Peter said. ‘He at least had a chance to run away!’

‘What do you mean by that?!’ the missus roared again.

‘Damn!’ Peter gasped. It was happening to him again.

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Peter and the missus #6

The most beautiful couple..

Peter had had a rough ride back from office and was pretty upset with the never-ending train delays.

'Today is a very important day!', the missus said when Peter sank into the couch.

'Oh, not now!', he thought. But afraid of the consequences he smiled and enthusiastically asked, 'Really? Why?'

'Today is the day when the most beautiful couple in the world met for the first time!', she said with an weirdly happy tone.

'The most beautiful couple in the world' - Peter had read the article recently in one of the newspapers. He thought hard to remember if it was 'Brad and Angelina' or 'William and Kate'. The missus liked Brad Pitt but hated Angelina Jolie. If she was bringing the topic up for discussion, it had to be 'William and Kate'.

'William and Kate?!' Peter confidently asked.

First her expression changed.

Then her voice changed.

And the look in her eyes changed as she said, 'You.. and.. me!'

After that.. Everything changed.


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Peter and the missus #5

Happily Married Men

"Did you know that Albert Einstein, Socrates and many great people had troubled marriages?" Peter asked as he cleaned the dishes.

"What do you think the happily married men do?" the missus was curious. 

Peter sighed, "Clean the dishes" as he scrubbed the plates "and do the laundry" and glanced sadly at the laundry basket.

The missus spontaneously said, "Oh, that reminds me. You need to steam the carpet this week."

"The Carpet - Really?! That's what you understood?!" Peter asked - to himself of course.

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