Saturday 28 March 2015

Peter and the missus #20

The Three Golden Rules
As one of his new year resolutions Peter decided to dedicate the year 2014 to read a lot self-help books. From David Schwartz to Napoleon Hill, Norman Vincent Peale to Steven Covey, Peter read them all. Along the way, he formulated his own rules - especially the rules for a happy married life. He took them very seriously because he knew for fact that one wrong step in the way will prove disastrous.
Below are those golden rules that Peter believes will be the key to a happy married life for a generations to come.
Rule 1: The missus is always right. 
Rule 2: When the missus is wrong, Rule 1 applies. 
Rule 3: When the missus is absolutely two hundred and fifty four point nine percent (and can be proved in the court of law) WRONG, then just fall flat at her feet and apologize
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Peter and the missus #22

Alaskan... what?

The entire moment was a blur. Peter could not think properly. All he could remember in that moment was his heart pounding in his ears and the fact that he was running like crazy. He looked over his shoulder and then it all came back.

[A few minutes earlier..]

Running had become a habit for Peter. And slowly it was becoming a passion. He did a lot of research about running and inspired (?!) a few people to run as well. The missus was proud of him when he ran his first 5k. She was happy and supported him when he trained for his 10K. It was all good for her till one day Peter came home and announced that they were going to train for a 10K together. Before she could protest, he put up a plan, got her a full running kit and the most annoying of all set the alarm for 05:00 am.

05:00 am. In London. And that too, in the month of January. In the freaking freezing month of January. Though she never said it loud, she was sure that it was Peter's master plan to kill her.

"One day at a time", she told herself.

A week went by when she realized something important. She could muster all the strength to wake up at 05:00 am which was pretty close to middle of the night for her. She could gather all the energy to run with Peter in the morning. She could even find the courage to face the freezing cold.

But there was one annoying thing and she could find not way to get around it. It was the fact that Peter 'talked'.

He talked a LOT.

He talked and talked and talked all the time like he was drunk. She was waiting for the right time to put an end to it – once and for all.

Everything seemed okay that foggy day when they started running. Just as they were running the second mile, the street lights went out. It was pitch dark. The fog made it even more difficult that the mobile flashlights did little to improve vision. They decided to stop for a few seconds.

When the lights came back on after about thirty seconds, they saw it. Walking slowly it appeared from the dense fog and stopped a few feet away from them. It was right there with its steely eyes, the razor sharp teeth and the huge load of fur enough to cover a village.

Peter’s first thought was it was a polar bear. He had had nightmares when he was in school about being in a deserted mountain facing a polar bear. Somehow, he thought, that the nightmare had come real. As they stood there, it took a step closer to them.

He shook his head and rubbed his eyes to concentrate. It looked liked an enormously over sized Siberian Husky. He had no idea what the monster standing before them was and was in no mood to find out. He was scared - VERY scared.

The missus took a step forward towards the beast. Peter stopped her. "Don’t", he whispered.

"Don't startle it!", he said with a shiver.

"Come on, its just an Alaskan Malamute. Calm down a bit", the missus said.

"An Alaskan… What?"

"Its an Alaskan Malamute, darling. Its just a dog, Peter!", she smiled.

"A BIG dog, nevertheless. Let’s just slowly back away, shall we?", Peter asked.

"Ah, you BIG baby, shut up", she said and took a step towards the dog.

Peter tried to protest first but then gave it a thought. The missus had always been good with pets. Every single story of her life revolved around a pet. From parrots to cats, from sheep to dogs, she had a lot of pets around. And her control over them was supreme. She did not have to say a word or raise her voice, well, she did not even  have to move a finger - they seemed to understand her commands from the way she looked at them.

She was at a grabbing distance from the malamute. Peter knew the power she had over animals. He could see that the dog was taking a step back for every step she took forward. It seemed like an intense stand off. Time stood still. The darkness, the fog, the freezing cold - it was such a dramatic moment. Peter stood there mesmerized by the scene.

Exactly three seconds later, it all changed.

It.. all.. changed..

The missus, without even a hint, turned around and ran. It was like someone gave her a ‘Ready.. Set.. GO!’ and she was in a hundred meters sprint. She ran like Usain Bolt - may be even faster than him.

"Ah Crap!", Peter cursed and started running behind her. But the most important thing was that the BIG Alaskan Malamute was right behind him.

The missus ran fast - faster than he had ever seen her run. Well, faster than he had ever imagined she could run.

"Didn't know you could run this fast!!!", Peter shouted in the middle of all the huffs and puffs.

"Me Neither!", she shouted back. "Now keep up!!! Keep running!!!"

Two second later, she was out of his range of vision. She was gone!

"Damn!! She’s fast!!", thought Peter.

But there was no time to waste as the dog was still at his heels. It let out a frightening bark. In that moment it was more like a lion’s roar than a bark.

Peter ran and ran and ran. He had forgotten how long he had been running. All he knew was he was lost somewhere in the huge park and the dog was not giving up. It was still chasing him.

At one point his running tracker even said "Well done! Its the fastest and farthest you have ever run!"

The entire moment was a blur. Peter could not even think properly. All he could remember in that moment was his heart pounding in his ears and the fact that he was running like crazy. He looked over his shoulder and then it all came back.

He huffed and puffed. He could do it no longer. He was tired and out of energy even to breath. He gave up. He had to face it - he was not the runner he thought he was.

His time had come.

Just as he was about to give up, there was a loud voice. It seemed to come from a distant universe. Peter thought it was a voice from the sky - the voice of the almighty.

"Cooookkkkieeeee!", shouted the voice followed by a couple of loud and shriek whistles.

"That does not sound like God!", thought Peter.

The dog stopped all of a sudden, picked up his ears, wagged his tail and walked slowly in the direction of the voice. It looked back at Peter one last time (laughed at the good time it had had) and disappeared into the fog.

Peter did not move a muscle for a good few minutes still trembling from the high speed chase. He looked up to the sky and thanked his lucky stars once and slowly began his walk (or should it be called journey?) back home. As slow as he could, he walked with every detail of that morning’s run etched in his memory.

The missus was nowhere to be seen on the way.

"The speed at which she had run, I am sure she would have reached India by now!", Peter thought.

When he reached home, the missus was there on the couch. Safe and relaxed, she was having a nice looking smoothie - the usual recovery drink after a run.

"Ah you are home!", she asked with a smile on her face with a surprise reaction as if it was just another beautiful morning

Peter crashed on couch when the missus asked, "Are we running tomorrow again, honey?"

Peter looked up at her not knowing what to say.

"5 am?", she asked with a wink.

The alarm never rang again at 5 am in the house. Peter never went out to run before the sun was up. More importantly, he never asked the missus to accompany him on a run.


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Friday 27 March 2015

Peter and the missus #21

A specific set of skills..

Ever since the movie TAKEN came out, Liam Neeson became one of Peter's favorite actors. He tried his best not to miss Neeson's movies.

"Anything with Liam Neeson in a leather jacket and a gun in hand, I am game!", he said.

TAKEN was the go to movie when he and the missus were bored.The iconic dialogue "But what I do have are a very particular set of skills, skills I have acquired over a very long career. Skills that make me a nightmare for people like you..... I will look for you, I will find you, and I will kill you!”, gave him goosebumps every single time he watched the scene.

“I want to be like him!”, announced one day during their TAKEN moments.

“You want to buy a leather jacket that fits your paunch, you mean?”, the missus asked.

“What?! No! I mean a spy, CIA, MI6, that kind of stuff. You know.. the specific set of skills”

“Oh really?!”, the missus smirked. “So, that means covert operations, international secrets, high speed chases, investigations, etc etc etc?”

“Well, yeah!”, Peter said confidently.

The missus was silent for a few minutes. Silence usually meant two things. One – she was bored already and had moved from the topic. The other – she was coming back with something big.

“How long has it been since you misplaced the ring I gave you?”, she asked. He was not sure if she had changed topic yet.

“Missing for about three months now”, he replied.

“How long have you been searching for it?”, she asked.

“Ermmm.. about three months”, he said.

The missus smiled. “Find that first, sweety! After that lets discuss about you becoming a spy!”

Peter had no answer.

“I will even give you a clue, honey. The ring is IN THIS HOUSE!!”, she added cooly and calmly as ever.

For those who are curious – its been years since and Peter is still searching for the ring. Peter on the other hand feels that the missing ring is one of her master plans to keep him from becoming a Bryan Mills from TAKEN.

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Peter and the missus #19

That ain't broke
For every little complaint that the missus made at home, Peter had one little response. "Don’t fix that ain’t broke, my dear"

The lights are not bright enough - "Don’t fix that ain’t broke, my dear"

The boiler needs checking, the water is not hot enough - "Don’t fix that ain’t broke, my dear"

And when Peter did not move from the couch one day with his usual lazy dialogue, the missus had the final say "Well, Mr Peter.. you head ain’t broken but it definitely needs fixing, doesn’t it?"
The next day, the lights, boiler and everything else that needed fixing were fixed. 
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